Ditching the tech tit

Gosh, the referrers needed livening up.

I have an uncomfortable relationship with technology (but you organize digital/digitized information!) when it come to Seamus. When he was an infant, I stopped watching the news because twenty minutes of the BBC wound him up and made the witching hour a lot more witchy. I’ve tried to use TV in a pinch when I had to pack up our old place for moving and I had no childcare, and rather than settling down, he got more and more wound. He can sit still for things now, but what I’ve discovered is instead of zoning him out, his energy merely tamps down to explode later. And let’s not discuss the mimicry of the characters he wants to watch. Curious George led to hours of non verbal whining and the “No Watching Characters That Speak Less Well Than You” rule that allowed us to pretty much sidestep Elmo. But the worst are the tantrums that take place when movie time/TV time ends. They are loud and screamy and last and last.

It’s just not worth it to me to let him watch more than a movie a week, the exceptions being car rides over two hours, air planes, and hospitals, for which we use an iPad. He seems to have a pretty good grasp of his friend’s media-based interests, he’s not missing out on anything as far as I can tell.

Now as some of you may recall, I had to spend a good deal of time with him indoors recently. During that time there was always a television on, I was constantly queasy and underslept since he slept with me and kicked all night long, so I used the iPad with more frequency.

And boy has that bitten me in the ass. He hasn’t been home a full week and it’s been nothing but tantrum after tantrum about movies, or RugRats episodes (including Angelica’s cry of “I WANT it NOW!”, which makes me think about egging the Nickelodeon offices). Trying to taper is not working, trying to reason with him is not working, and trying to get him to earn screen time with good behavior is not working. So we’re cutting him off.

Patrick said a week. I plan to stretch it as long as I can, because out of all the insane behavior he’s engaged in this summer, this is a trigger I can control. And right now he’s playing in his room and listening to music, so I’m hoping that this is a good start.

The new new normal, served up hot

The imp of perversity is visiting again, guiding its three year-old host into behaviors that leave us shaking our heads and saying “Fuck, that was new and horrible”. After the long long bedtime vigils of cuddling Seamus while he kicks and thrashes and plays long after lights out, shushing and kissing and getting cross till he finally passes out, we talk over our puzzlement about the new changes in him. Was there a nap? Late afternoon sweet treat? Too many delays in the bedtime routine laving him wired and triggering crap sleep which snowballs into the inexplicable? Developmental upload? Preschool influence?

Fuck if we know. 

“Why did you do X?” we ask him often these days, after he’s sprinted down a neighbor’s driveway and into their parking area irregardless of months of mindful behavior. Dumping half a pound of rice from the rice bin and scattering it across his room. Destroying book jackets. Throwing food on the floor. Leaving the house unobserved. Hitting us, always with his fists.

“Because I did it”, he responds.

I think I’m looking at the minimizing or outright end of quiet time, and increasing his outside time, weather be damned. We had such a good routine before the holidays, one that I hope lets us adjust. Also, keeping that damn swing lock in place, because that second set of eyes I ordered on Amazon have shown up, but the installing sockets haven’t. On the plus side, I want him riding his bike more often anyways. I think we now have our afternoon outside activity sewn up.

Three thus far

Three is a fantastic age. Seamus has a ton of language and uses it to express his delight in everything that interests him and his inquiry into everything that puzzles him. He’s capable of small jobs and can do them routinely, and he is developing thoughtfulness. I watch him engage with his peers, animals, and adults, and I see the beginnings of empathy, I see friendliness and curiosity about others.

Three is kicking our ass. Seamus has a loud voice and screams and whines to express his displeasure in everything that thwarts and is denied him. He’s capable of attempting to manipulate situations by crying that he’s hurting when put in a stroller or carrier as part of a time-out and does this whenever he thinks it will work. When it doesn’t (and it never does) he pitches tantrums for over an hour. If given a time-out in his room, he deliberately pees on the floor. He wantonly causes messes when asked not to, and does not see the connection between the time it takes to clean up his destruction and the resulting loss of time in fun stuff. Days go by in which he fights us on every aspect of his day, and those fights make up our entire day.

Right now he’s in the carrier on my back in a prolonged time-out, because I don’t want to clean yet another puddle off of the floor, or stand next to his room holding the door closed. The three minute time-out isn’t working these days, so he’ll stay up here until he’s calmed down. He’s flailing a lot, but if I stay clear of the furniture he’ll be safe enough.

And he’s done. Took twenty minutes. And suddenly I’m busting out the techniques from when he was eighteen months. Beats losing my shit and smacking him, I hope.

Three, the prequel

“Seamus, are you gonna let me take a five minute break, or are you going to drive me around the bend?”

“I’m going to drive you ‘round the bend.”

“Well, I’m glad we cleared that up.”